oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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