I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
