I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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