If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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