Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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