Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
