Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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