dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize