I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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