Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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