Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
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you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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