How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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