I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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