i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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