herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
FUCK WHALES
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