She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
