This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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