Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
