I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
