I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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