So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
did you just send me my own nude
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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