i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
