So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
