she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
