I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
