One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
