I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
