you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
