Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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