umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
