Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This house was built for laser tag.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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