Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
