Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
