I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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