so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
