Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
