I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
home. puking in laundry basket.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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