Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
