drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
