I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
