I can text with my tongue
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
