honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
