Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I look better un-naked...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sext me about skeletons
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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