Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
