who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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