also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
