last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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