so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i believe in u and ur pee
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