I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
