So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These tits shall not be calmed
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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