Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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