Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
