My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
