im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
