we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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