Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
