If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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