I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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