After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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