the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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