I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
