Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
