I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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