He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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