yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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