i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
