We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
