1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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