tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
