Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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