Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
