Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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