just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
