I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
