i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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