elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
