Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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